Alright, retailers. I'm on to you. I don't know if you have heard, but monopolies are ILLEGAL.
You see, dear friends, I went shopping today. 4 months ago, I couldn't go to my favorite shopping center without spending lots of money at lots of different stores! Now, as a preggo, I have but one option. Seemingly, there are maternity stores and departments all over the place. LIES! Yes, as everyone does, I stopped into Motherhood Maternity last week and bought a dress and skirt. I secretly resent the dress because it's unflattering. The skirt's okay. Anyway, it was obvious to me that the next Motherhood store down the road would probably have the same items as the first. So, as to not waste time, I headed for the next city over. Well, I googled the next city over. Found a place called Mi Mi Maternity. I've never heard of it, but this shopping center is known for its awesome selection of boutiques, so I got in the car. GPS knew where it was. I figured I had a decent clue. But lo and behold, when I parked in front of the address, there was no Mi Mi Maternity. It was another Motherhood store. So, I grumbled my way around the store. I did ask the clerk twice if there were any other maternity stores around, and I'm not sure if she was ignoring me, or if she didn't have an answer. Anyway, I called the husband who suggested that good ole Macy's would never let me down. At least, their shoe department never has. :) Now, I'm not sure who designs these department stores, but if it's a she, she's a bitch. A skinny, rich bitch. I walk into the store and BAM, I'm in the "adorable but too small and too expensive" section. So, I search (and I mean that literally) for a clerk and ask where the maternity department is. "Go up the escalator and just turn around." I went up the escalator. I turned around. And I mentally went back down the escalator and bitch-slapped that clerk. You know what the sign says when you turn around? DO YOU KNOW? It says "Women's Plus." I said "Maternity!" I said, "there's a person in my belly," NOT "I'm fat and need someone to hide my gigantic belly." But, oh, she wasn't just being completely insensitive. But Macy's was. Do you realize to get to the maternity department you actually have to walk through ALL other departments, then through the plus department, and then you find the tiny, tiny section for the preggos. Of course, it's brought to you by... you guessed it... MOTHERHOOD! But, fear not, OLD NAVY has a maternity department! Wait. Not really a department. More like a shoebox with maternity pants and fat sweaters. That don't fit. Moving on, I heard from a reliable source that Kohl's could help me. In an effort to stop being long-winded, I'll just let you know that Kohl's maternity department is brought to you by ... Motherhood. So, in a span of two weeks and five stores, I've visited ONE maternity store.
Now, I'm not sure exactly what's going on here. At any given point, 3% of the population is pregnant. Are you telling me that there are more people buying Birkenstocks and those cardboard energy bars than maternity clothes? I. Think. Not. Well, maybe, but I don't think those people are to be trusted.
My tirade has been interrupted by hunger. Enjoy!
No comments:
Post a Comment