Mike hates when I play Mad Scientist in the kitchen...

Nothing sends my husband running for the hills more than the statement "I'm trying something new for dinner tonight."  Not that I'm a bad cook...no, not at all.  But I've got as many hits as Hanson (oh, I went there).  Anyway, today I was putting together my weekly shopping list by going through the weekly specials at our grocery store.  When I saw chicken for $.57, I practically jogged out the door...until I saw it was the price for a whole chicken by the pound.  Yes, I've cooked with chicken before, and yes, I've got a lot of recipes.  No, I have never cooked a giant bird, cut it up and lived off this entire animal for a week like Annie Oakley on the range.  That's exactly what it sounded like to me.  Anyway, being a frugal gourmet (read: food addict), I found myself incapable of paying almost $3 per pound for the lazy-man's pre-cut poultry.  So, here it goes.  I'm in my kitchen with a crying baby in the background and a whole chicken waiting for me on the counter.  Dare I?  

I've been crying all week... and obviously I have no idea why.

This has been one of the most trying weeks in my life.  And that's mostly because I'm a big, selfish, whiny brat.  Well, that's what I usually blame my seemingly-senseless crying on.  However, I guess I could have one excuse.  I've spent all week helping a dear friend leave her husband and a bad situation.  On the one hand, I'm so lucky I'm a stay-at-home mom because I can do things like this instead of worrying about missing time at work.  On the other hand, I did have to take my newborn on a week of emotional rollercoasters that very easily could have turned violent.  (Not by me.  I was just crying, remember?)  The worst thing I worried about incessantly (besides a jilted husband coming home at an inopportune moment) was being a bad mom.  More specifically, I was fully stressed that I had to leave the Tiny Tot in her carseat or on her playmat almost constantly while I lifted obscenely heavy furniture, played the shoulder to cry on, and drove hundreds of miles across the state.  One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn since Tiny Tot was born is that life keeps going on.  No one is going to wait on your baby to get to school age.  You can't just sit at home, not doing anything until your child is off doing her own thing.  I always heard stories growing up of my dad taking me along to jobsites, dropping me in a play-yard and running a skill-saw mere feet from my head as I played.  And obviously I turned out alright.  So, since it's become my turn to raise progeny, I've had to take her along. (Not that I could stand leaving her behind anyway.)  And honestly, it's not going to hurt anything.  In fact, after this week, I realized I'm going to be so proud to tell her about this someday.  I was along when my father was building homes for people--making their dreams come true.  And now, Tiny Tot will always know that she was there when we helped her "aunt" find a new sense of freedom and happiness.  She giggled and smiled and gave a troubled woman something to laugh about.  Perhaps these stories will remind her to be a good friend at all times, regardless of her own stresses in life.  We can't turn inward and hide behind our tiny new family while the world is still spinning outside.  Moms were people before they because moms--friends, wives, sex-kittens, what have you--and we have to keep it up or risk losing ourselves completely. 

Emotional woman made dangerous by shopping trip...

Alright, retailers.  I'm on to you.  I don't know if you have heard, but monopolies are ILLEGAL. 

You see, dear friends, I went shopping today.  4 months ago, I couldn't go to my favorite shopping center without spending lots of money at lots of different stores!  Now, as a preggo, I have but one option.  Seemingly, there are maternity stores and departments all over the place.  LIES!  Yes, as everyone does, I stopped into Motherhood Maternity last week and bought a dress and skirt.  I secretly resent the dress because it's unflattering.  The skirt's okay.  Anyway, it was obvious to me that the next Motherhood store down the road would probably have the same items as the first.  So, as to not waste time, I headed for the next city over.  Well, I googled the next city over.  Found a place called Mi Mi Maternity.  I've never heard of it, but this shopping center is known for its awesome selection of boutiques, so I got in the car.  GPS knew where it was.  I figured I had a decent clue.  But lo and behold, when I parked in front of the address, there was no Mi Mi Maternity.  It was another Motherhood store.  So, I grumbled my way around the store.  I did ask the clerk twice if there were any other maternity stores around, and I'm not sure if she was ignoring me, or if she didn't have an answer.  Anyway, I called the husband who suggested that good ole Macy's would never let me down.  At least, their shoe department never has.  :)  Now, I'm not sure who designs these department stores, but if it's a she, she's a bitch.  A skinny, rich bitch.  I walk into the store and BAM, I'm in the "adorable but too small and too expensive" section.  So, I search (and I mean that literally) for a clerk and ask where the maternity department is.  "Go up the escalator and just turn around."  I went up the escalator.  I turned around.  And I mentally went back down the escalator and bitch-slapped that clerk.  You know what the sign says when you turn around?  DO YOU KNOW?  It says "Women's Plus."  I said "Maternity!"  I said, "there's a person in my belly," NOT "I'm fat and need someone to hide my gigantic belly."  But, oh, she wasn't just being completely insensitive.  But Macy's was.  Do you realize to get to the maternity department you actually have to walk through ALL other departments, then through the plus department, and then you find the tiny, tiny section for the preggos.  Of course, it's brought to you by...  you guessed it...  MOTHERHOOD!  But, fear not, OLD NAVY has a maternity department!  Wait.  Not really a department.  More like a shoebox with maternity pants and fat sweaters.  That don't fit.  Moving on, I heard from a reliable source that Kohl's could help me.  In an effort to stop being long-winded, I'll just let you know that Kohl's maternity department is brought to you by ...  Motherhood.  So, in a span of two weeks and five stores, I've visited ONE maternity store. 

Now, I'm not sure exactly what's going on here.  At any given point, 3% of the population is pregnant.  Are you telling me that there are more people buying Birkenstocks and those cardboard energy bars than maternity clothes?  I. Think. Not.  Well, maybe, but I don't think those people are to be trusted.

My tirade has been interrupted by hunger.  Enjoy!

Woohoo!

The countdown begins...one month until we find out if this little one is a boy or girl!  So, to kick off this month, let's check out a pregnancy cartoon...

Enjoy that?  Well, it reminded me of something all my friends have been saying to me for weeks now.  I have the best husband in the world.  Ladies, do you take the time to notice what that handsome man beside you is doing for you these nine months?  The tall guy next to me--he's been really pulling his weight in this pregnancy.  Apparently he's downstairs working out right now just so he can participate in Tummy Time.  Yes, he's read the books, and knows how important that stuff is.  (Although originally he thought this "tummy time" was some sort of torture.)  You've seen the list of books on the Library page, right?  Every night, he reads the tummy a story.  He does funny voices.  And today, yet again, he went with my to my doctor's appointment.  He likes to do this because he wants to get a chance to know our OB better.  He likes to ask questions (usually ones that I forget), and he's always there when I get scared.  Have I told you guys the blood-draw story?  Oh, it's a bad one.  But who was there to catch me?  Yup.  So, lesson today is to say Thank You.  Remember that (obviously!) without him, there would be no baby.  And with him, this is the best, most supported pregnancy that ever was. 

Just a quick update on the shopping...

Motherhood Maternity store.  Give up trying to beat this.  The service was unmatched, and the winning factor?  They have a public restroom IN THE STORE!  No running around a mall begging for the nearest gross bathroom!  Walked in, said I was about to pop, and they showed me the way!  FYI, JCPenney might have the world's smallest maternity section.  Jeans and t-shirts only.  And Old Navy, while they have great maternity clothes online, you can't try them on in the store!  Grrr!  Anyway, off to bed!  Well, I may need a snack first.  (I always need a snack!)

Do not pity me!

My baby is going to be born in July.  Well, very late July or early August.  And before you start, re-read the title.  There is NOTHING wrong with having a summer baby!

1.) It's my favorite season of the year, so why wouldn't I want to share it with my little one?
2.) While it's hot outside, I'm much more likely to get outside and go for an after-work walk with the husband than those winter-baby-mamas are.  Yeah, sure, you'll go trudge through the snow in 20-degree weather.
3.)  It's easier for me to be nice to the belly.  All the seasonal fruits and veggies I can eat!  And the WBM's are stuck with frozen...  or they're just skipping the veggies for some body-warming fast-food.
4.)  I LOVE being a September baby, and this is because I get evenly-spaced celebrations, and thus, presents!  Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Anniversary, My Birthday, and then Christmas.  Year-round gifts!  I can't help but pity the Christmas babies...
5.)  Speaking of birthdays, you'll never be forced to invite your child's entire class to his or her birthday!  Summer babies get to pick their true friends to go to the pool for their little cookout.  No annoying kids that your child doesn't like anyway.  And no searching for something indoors to do.  Playground, park, pool, lake, ocean...  there's a never-ending list of locales!  Never will I have to say, "Okay, I guess we'll go to Chuck-E-Cheese."  *shudder*
6.) Apparently, children born during summer months are HAPPIER, life-long!  I have sources! 

So, IN. YO. FACE.  Do not pity me or my baby.  We might be a little sweatier for a few weeks, but in the long run, we're happier for it!

Update on progress, eh?

So, I haven't really noticed my belly.  Until now.  Of course I've already moved on to preggo-pants, but that's more for comfort than anything else in the beginning.  Now, I will begin to document.  Because when I stood in the mirror today and looked at the belly...  I was blown away.  Here goes!

Jealous?  Oh, yes, you are!  I've got a serious tummy going on here, and it's pre-dinner!  :)

UPDATE:  Mike suggested that I'm "pooching out" in this picture.  Not at all!  This is all US!

Shopping is not for Preggo today...

Um.  Yeah.  Went shopping today at one of my favorite stores!  Even had the store manager and DISTRICT manager helping me and Tammy pick out some awesome clothes!  Seriously, they had this crinoline skirt in black that would be my new favorite...  and it was about two inches from fitting.  NOTHING fit.  One of the stylists made it (unintentionally) worse by showing me flowy sweaters and shapeless dresses.  Now, yes, it's my own fault walking into a store that sells nothing over a size large.  There's no maternity section, obviously.  So, I sat my slightly-bigger self down on a chair and just watched shopping happen.  Something about still being close to the activity made it seem like I was a part of it, I guess.  Tammy walked out with armfuls.  Preggo got a little pouty.  At this stage of pregnancy (you know, the 40 week long part), it takes almost nothing to set me off.  Sunday I sobbed in the car just because someone mentioned --  well, it's just too embarrassing to explain.  :)  Nevertheless, my triggers are pretty much anything and everywhere.  So today, sitting in a boutique watching someone else get pampered by stylists...well, at least I didn't cry in front of anyone.  However, all is not lost!  I sucked it up, kept a brave face on for my friend who was having a marvelous time, and convinced myself that SOMETHING would work for me!  (And, well, when I set my mind on something, it's sure as hell happening.)  So, I walked out with two fabulous clutches!  I also got the cutest silver medallion necklace with a V on it...and I'm going to add a smaller gold medallion with the baby's initial!  Anyway, moral of the story is twofold:  Preggos, accept that your beautiful body is changing.  You wouldn't expect to take a child with you shopping and you both fit into one dress.  It's exactly the same situation.  But accessories will always fit!  And non-preggos, seriously, be fairly warned.  I could cry pretty much over anything.  And it WILL be your fault--not the baby's--so just take it. 

Unforeseen details...

Okay, so I'm sick and tired of talking to these stupid pregnant women who talk about nothing more than morning sickness and labor pains when asked about the hard times.  They're hiding SO MUCH pertinent information!  So, I will be uncovering this crap as I go.  And today's little "surprise?"  Every time I cough, or sit up in bed too quickly, it kills.  (Okay, "kills" is strong.  It feels like I've been doing a hundred sit-ups every day when we all know that crap ain't happening.)  There are apparently some bands (or something) that stretch from my ribs to the bottom of where this kid's sitting, and they're tight.  They don't really want to move.  And while I'm sure they're supposed to support the little one while he or she is hanging far past my belt, it's quite inconvenient right now!  So, part one of the truth, out of the way, and out in the open.

Read this!!!

Yes, this is the best ever.  Read this and remember it, because I will not tolerate dissension in the ranks.  You have been warned.  This is found on this site, but you can read it below...  http://soupbelly.com/2010/04/28/i-wish-i-wrote-this-but-i-didnt/  Read it, memorize it, and the next time you see me, tell me, "You look fabulous!"  Because the next time someone tells me, "Look!  You're getting a belly!" I will cry.

1. The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is ‘Congratulations!’ with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you a jerk.  You know, I don't think I'll ever forgive some people for the stupid stuff they said.  I know there are risks to the baby.  I don't need to hear how many babies are lost in the first trimester.  Jerk.

2. Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father – not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase ‘my baby’.  Apparently, however, it is still "My grandson."  His granddaughter is going to be pissed when she gets out here.  :)

3. On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in 2, the pregnancy, birth, and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it…  Yeah.  Whatever I'm doing, your response is "Well, it looks like you've really thought about this!"  That's as negative as you can get. 

4. The body of a pregnant woman should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone’s stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix, or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.  Touch me and die.  Comment and die.  That kicking--I'm assuming that's the kid's way of saying "stay the hell off my mommy."

5. Likewise, no woman wants to hear comments on her weight…ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is ‘You look fabulous!’.  ...as I mentioned before. 

6. By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don’t need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes. Nor do we need to know how badly you will feel for us because we will be pregnant during the summer and how glad you are that YOU will not be pregnant this coming summer.  Seriously, again.  You're a jerk.  And you people know who you are.  Well, you're not reading this.  But, those people...well, they're jerks.  Think of it this way:  Since my baby's going to be here in July, we get to walk around in skirts and dresses, while you Winter-Cows (yeah, I'm petty) will be packed into jeans and fat-sweaters.  In yo face. 

7. There is a reason that tickets to Labor & Delivery are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL, or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents. You weren’t invited to be there when the baby was created, you probably won’t be invited to be there when it comes out either.  This is just strange.  But, if you don't visit me and bring me presents, I'm sure I'll be disappointed.  Just wait until the baby's in a resting position--not moving out.

8. Like everything else in life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital, and the parent’s home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to ‘help out’. If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.  Yeah, that's just strange...

9. If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules, and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.  I love my sister.

10. The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.  Again, presents pave the way to my door.  :) 

Sincerely,
All the Pregnant Women in the World

Yay Prezzies!

Megan sent me a new book--Eloise!  Totally out of the blue, too!  I suppose that's what true friends are made of, of course.  But, Eloise is fantastic!  A city-wise hotel-dweller, Eloise runs amok throughout the Plaza.  With a few French phrases, this one was a real toughie for my everything-sounds-like-Italian husband.  If it's not The Godfather, he's confused.   So, Eloise is wreaking havoc on her unsuspecting Nanny and dragging along her pug Weenie for the ride.  There's no real point.  It kind of bounces around like it's main character, but I was so pleased listening to this entire book.  New favorite?  Probably.  Thanks again, Megan!  ...and all those who are helping us find new ways to occupy our tummy-time!  :)

First Trimester

Okay, we're just about to the 13-week mark and thus far it's all been decently uneventful!  :)  Mike and I officially got to look at our precious little nudger, and of course, we've picked out names.  By the way, we'll know what gender SHE is mid-March.  ;-)  This whole morning sickness thing seems to have completely skipped the Vorys family which is a blessing I thank God Himself for.  I AM in preggo jeans already, and thanks to Allyn, they're the most comfortable things I've ever worn.  I'm just wishing I were showing more.  The thing you don't think about in the first trimester--you just look chunky.  No one can tell you're pregnant, so I tell a lot of people.  :)  Makes you look darned fantastic, actually.  Mike's fantastic to have around, primarily because he refuses to let me lift things, so I need a lot of help around the house, and he's totally involved.  He reads us stories every night!  And we got our crib!  It's gorgeous!  The minute I know what we're having, I'm at Lowe's grabbing paint.  So, who's got a great idea for a theme for the nursery?

What's the Point?

I've been asked by my dear friends to let them know what books we have collected for our newcoming little one.  So, on the right hand side of the page, I'm going to keep a running list of what books he/she has collected.  Since Mike and I are already reading through the books to develop that growing mind and encourage the little listening ears, we're already running out of fresh material.  It's going to be a very long time before this kid will stop asking us to read aloud, so we thank you kindly for whatever you stumble upon in your local Goodwill.  You're too kind.